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blogging, children, cleaning, employment, housewife, housework, humor, job, life, marriage, motherhood, musing, parenting, thoughts, vacuum cleaner, writing
One of my best friends actually had to start taking Zoloft to reduce her housecleaning anxiety. She’s my soulmate. In recent months, I’ve started vacuuming the floor twice a day.
You have no idea how close I am to vacuuming up our entire home… furniture, toys and pets.
Just now, I’m thinking there’s maybe a cat or two in there.
Why do I vacuum?
Because my kids are big and don’t need me running after them. And I have a surfeit of energy and a gaping maw of free time waiting to be filled with… something meaningful.
Those ladies in the Swiffer Sweeper commercials look so fulfilled when they’ve made their wood floors nice and shiny. I think making unsightly dust and pet hair disappear must count as meaningful, right?
Not in this lifetime?
What about solving every case on 48 Hours before the first commercial break?
Nothing, huh.
At this moment, the movie of my life is like Adventures in Babysitting (remember that one, eighties people?) but with a mom twist… Adventures in Housekeeping. And it would go straight to Netflix. Where nobody would order it. Ever.
Yes, yes… it’s been beautiful these past fourteen years. I’ve collected a full portfolio of misty, water-colored memories in which I’m molding Play-Doh and reading Harry Potter while wishing I could also squeeze in a short jog, or a long nap, or a solo trip to the toilet.
Although I truly love and treasure every moment with my precious darlings, I’ve sometimes wished… for my own selfish reasons… that Disney Channel would make its actors deliver their lines in Pig Latin like those kids on ZOOM, Lord Voldemort could switch places with the Cat in the Hat, and the people at Harris Teeter would let me buy groceries with ziploc bags filled with broken crayons.
If you’ve similarly spent the stretch between 1999 and 2013 playing on the floor… you’ll know exactly what I mean.
But as my children have grown, and my parenting has been replaced with (ugh) housecleaning, I’ve come to the realization it’s clearly time to move along. And with the arrival of the New Year… I received news I might have a New Job. One of those fantastical, mythological professions known as… working outside the home.
And this, of course, led to a long discourse from my husband. This is not unusual. Even the the refrigerator door leads to discourses. (Don’t ask.)
Specifically, I mentioned this job would make it harder to plan vacations. And before you say anything… I absolutely understand how bitchy and entitled it sounds to get a new job and primarily worry about vacation planning.
Anyhow… my husband assured me he has a deep and profound understanding of daily job requirements… including, but not limited to, the concept of vacation days.
He’s a breadwinner. They’re schooled in these things.
So I did what anyone would do. I got completely irritated.
Because he missed my point.
Completely.
My point was not that he doesn’t understand vacation days… it’s that he doesn’t understand them in relation to me.
The last time I had to check with a boss before taking a day off… O.J. Simpson was still “looking for the real killers,” air travel was enjoyable, and Kim Kardashian was possibly a virgin.
Let’s look at that from another angle: I have been a housewife for a length of time roughly equivalent to my own childhood. And as a kid, I frequently dreamed that something… anything… exciting would happen.
So… can I say it? Not much has changed. Still dreaming. Only this time it’s about a desk and a salary and a company laptop.
Which is why I’d gladly explain the philosophy behind coffee breaks and water coolers… in addition to vacation days. I’m that desperate for conversation about any new job opportunity that slinks across my horizon.
At this point, if we could choose between a week on a tropical island or an extra hundred dollars a month? The hundred wins. Hands down.
Believe me. The only way we’d choose the island is if the palm trees were dropping cash instead of coconuts.
Actually, I’d work for free. In fact, I quite frequently do. So the thought I might sucker someone into paying me to do something that requires more mental agility than wielding a vacuum cleaner makes me romp and frolic and dance with cartoonish glee.
I once was positively thrilled to make stuffed bears talk and solve wooden puzzles. Sometimes I still am. But those times are growing fewer and farther between.
So it’s probably time to evolve into something new while I can still think clearly… before I give the vacuum cleaner a name and throw a diaper on the cat.
Congrats to you and lots of fun and luck on your new adventure!! Maybe this is just what you really need, to get out of the house. A change in schedule is usually a good thing, right?
Oh my gosh… let’s hope it really happens! I think you’re right. Thanks, Stacia. Right now it’s still in the “we’re talking to human resources” stage. I was almost afraid to write the post for fear of jinxing it.
Congrats on the job! I do understand the need for more than playing on the floor, playing with puppets and doing puzzles. I still play on the floor for hours each day. Getting on the floor is no trouble, but these days getting back up is a bit slow. I also understand the part about not having a boss for years. I’ve been self-employed for roughly 25 years. It grows on you.
You know… it’s not that I’ve outgrown the kids… though you’re right, floor play is less comfy than it used to be. But it’s that they’ve outgrown me. If they were still little, playing on the floor would still be a great wonderful adventure. But now they’re more into teen-type things… my job there is done.
Thanks for the good wishes. I really hope this comes through. Re-entering the job market is a tough challenge when you’ve been gone so long.
Love this post and wish you all the best with the new job. I took 17 months off from working and have been at my current job for 7 months now…the first couple of weeks working again are hard…the days feel so long but hang in there!
I am a little scared. It’s intimidating to think about going back into the workplace after such a long absence. Hope I don’t disappoint anybody. Thanks for the good wishes, Diana!
I had the same fears but like me, you’re brilliant! Just be true to yourself and trust your instincts!
New horizons are always exciting!! Best of luck to you.
Thanks so much. I definitely hope the job stays real long enough for me do get to work!
Sounds great! Good luck in your new adventures!
Thank you so much! I’m pretty excited about getting back to a professional workplace. Lots of new things to learn and new opportunities. I’ve waited a long time for this!
This is definitely a passage we go through when our kids get to be of a certain age. We organize our lives around them and then suddenly they start not needing that so much anymore. So we look for things to fill the growing hole.
I’m already starting to dream about what I might do with myself when I’m no longer supporting my sons. Maybe I’ll change careers, maybe I’ll leave Indiana, maybe maybe maybe. It’s fun to think about it.
Here’s hoping something exciting comes your way post haste.
Thanks so much, Jim. Whatever comes… professionally speaking… I do hope I do it well. That’s actually one of the things I looove about vacuuming. It’s so productive! You see results immediately. (Unlike childrearing. Still waiting on those outcomes… )
I’d love to know what you choose if you decide to change careers. Actually… I’m kind of curious about your current career. Somehow I think it involves computers? With your blog being about roads and photography and history… I associate you with these things that I’m fairly sure are just very rewarding hobbies. Right?
I work for a software company and manage the people who test what the programmers create. I have eleven direct reports! Actually, I resigned on Friday to take a director-level position over testing with a startup software company!
My advice, which I know you didn’t ask for, but hey, I’m a guy, this is what we do: Relax on pleasing your next boss — just go in and do your best, and then rest well. If your best isn’t good enough to please them, then it’s time to find something else where your best is good enough.
Oh. And if I were to change careers… I’ve always wanted to teach.
Wow… many congrats to you! That sounds like a very exciting move… and I had no idea! Best wishes on the new position. I’m sure your employers were sorry to see you go. But being a director is a fantastic opportunity. And I knew it had something to do with computers.
Thanks also for the advice. I plan to follow it. This is an interesting situation for me, because I’ve spent five years volunteering many hours in an attempt to brainwash these people into hiring me. I’m afraid they’ll decide I’m just not worth the money.
Anyway, it’s an assistant executive director position at the local museum. I’d get to work closely with people who really know how to handle archives and collections. The director is the former head of NC state historic sites, so I plan to be a sponge. Basically, they’d like me to do writing, PR and social media.
A job? That sounds interesting. I used to have one years ago but I’ve forgotten what it was like.
And yet your prolific and excellent blog is proof you’ll never give up working on what you love.
Our vaccuum is named Violet and is my husbands favorite stress relief tool. (well almost favorite, anyway.) He has been a stay-at-home dad for the past ten years. He is starting a new job tomorrow. He is a little freaked out, a little excited and very worried about who is going to do the vacuuming.
I love that… thank you so much for commenting! Please pass my congratulations on to your husband. I understand exactly how he feels. I’m sure he’ll be a huge success at the job… and I hope it’s even more rewarding than using the vacuum cleaner.
‘Violet’ is great. My son, as a toddler, actually named our vacuum ‘Lisa.’ I didn’t put that in the post, because I wondered if people would understand. Now I know you absolutely do!
Every summer, I develop an unhealthy relationship with my Dyson. The house looks fabulous but the neighbors “talk.”
A new job!! Transitions are opportunities for new adventures. Working in a museum sounds like heaven. Best wishes Jennifer! I know you will rock this new career.
Thanks so much! Ours is also a Dyson. Love it.
My cleaning OCD isn’t a daily thing… it’s WHEN I’m cleaning; I feel the need to clean the ever-loving blank out of it… Your new job-possibility sounds way more exciting than that.
Also, you’ll be able to pay a cleaning service. Which? Awesome. IF you’re the type who believes they’ll really do a good job. Which I don’t, because I read Barbara Ehrenreich.
p.s.- Adventures in Babysitting was such a great movie!!
I’ve noticed my standards of cleanliness have gotten way higher as I’ve gotten older. I’m not sure why… maybe now that the floor’s not constantly covered with the kids’ toys I’m more able to see the dirt?
Anyway, not likely to hire a service. It would probably eat my entire prospective low-income salary.
Why is vacuuming so magical? Of all the house cleaning chores, it’s definitely me favorite. This opportunity for you is so cool! The chance to do something new and more fulfilling than cleaning something AGAIN is awesome. Can’t wait to hear how it all pans out.
Thanks so much, Danielle. And I really, really do enjoy vacuuming. It’s so meditative, somehow. Glad to know you’ve noticed the same thing.
Good for you and congratulations on the new job! I hope you have time to tell us all about it.